“Keep a Stiff Upper Lip”
“Don’t Be A Cry Baby”
“Don’t Wear You Feelings on Your Sleeve”
“You Are Too Shy”
People who are Highly Sensitive may have grown up hearing comments like these from well-meaning but unhelpful people, and then grown up thinking something is wrong with them.
A Highly Sensitive Person is someone whose nervous system is more sensitive than average, according to Elian Aron, PhD. This is not a disorder; rather, it’s an inherited trait that affects about twenty percent of the population. People like Abraham Lincoln, Mother Teresa, and Martin Luther King, Jr., were likely highly sensitive. Highly sensitive people are equally male or female, and 70% of them are also introverts by nature, and the rest are extroverted.
Some characteristics of people with this neurological wiring are:
- being deeply moved by art or music
- empathic
- sensitive to pain
- needing more sleep than the average person
- having a rich, complex thought life
- being easily overwhelmed by bright lights or noises.
If you suspect you or someone you know may be highly sensitive, you can take a short, free quiz here to find out: http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/
And, if you are highly sensitive and have not yet read The Highly Sensitive Person book by Elaine Aron, you may want to check that out too. She also has a book for parents of sensitive children. And since it is often hereditary, this may affect many of your children.
The problem with being highly sensitive is not that you are sensitive, that can actually work to your advantage, but that the culture does not understand or easily accommodate the fact that sensitive people are busy taking in more information. As a result, sensitive people may feel judged for being different or live life with chronic overstimulation. This can lead to feelings socially isolated or make it difficult to feel at peace in new, stimulating environments.
If you are highly sensitive, it is important to learn how to take care of yourself so you can thrive. This may be especially hard if the people who raised you were not sensitive to your needs and tried to change you. You may have lost touch with your “true self.” Here are some tips for self-care for highly sensitive people:
1) Accept the strengths and challenges inherent in your makeup. Having a name for the way your brain takes in information can help you learn to respect the way you are wired and understand that your need for intentional self-care is not selfish, but necessary, just like food and water.
2) Step away from the noise. Today’s interconnected world is increasingly stimulating, with traffic noises, lights from electronic devices, and constant information from around the world. Often job requirements and social calendars for families necessitate moving at a pace faster than you were wired. You can get chronically over stimulated, which can lead to feeling unsettled and cause health problems. Find a way to daily shut out all stimulation and get alone with your thoughts. Turn off all devices and sit alone in a quiet space, and pay attention to your body, thoughts and emotions. Determine what you need to enjoy peace and how you can work that into your life during these times.
3) Nurture Your Spirituality. Get in touch with your spiritual side and connect with God. Highly sensitive people are naturally spiritually-seeking people and usually find connecting to a purpose outside themselves and larger than their own lives brings renewed meaning, energy and focus to their everyday lives.
4) Prioritize Sleep. Being highly sensitive may explain why others can miss sleep and still feel pretty good, but for you disrupted sleep truly impacts your life. Don’t feel guilty for leaving a party early to get to bed, and realize you may need some time before bed to unwind before your body can relax and drift into sleep.
5) Build Relationships with Life-Giving People. Sensitive people often thrive in relationships with loyalty and depth. Because highly sensitive people are conscientious, they make great friends but also needs friends who equally value them.
Once you are consciously aware of your sensitive nature, you can learn to trust your instincts and intuition. You can enjoy the richness of deep thoughts and make space for art, music, or whatever it is that enriches your uniqueness. And, perhaps most importantly, you no longer need to take to heart the world’s message to toughen up and shut down your feelings. The world needs people in touch with their empathy and humanness to help us all remember to value the feelings and intrinsic value of others, to care for one another. So, go ahead, take care of yourself, so you can share your gifts with an aching world.
